The Past

Do you ever think about what you did in the past and cringe? Or worse, have someone else thinking about the past and feel the terrible bubble of worry start to build up in your stomach. Yeah, well, happening now. I did some stupid stuff in the past. (who hasn't?) Most of the time I can chalk it up to learning and be okay with it. As long as I did actually learn something. As White-Ra said "more gg, more skill." The problem is, not everything fits into this category for a few reasons.

Okay, so despite how many reasons there are, it has to do with one person. Jacquelynn. I was pretty hurtful at times. Times where I had no right to be, times where I really shouldn't have, and times that just didn't make sense. The huge problem is that it took me a long time to realize that I was kinda being a dumbass. I knew for a long time how much I cared for this girl, but I acted like an idiot for far too long. There are a lot of things I can blame, but they are excuses really. Thankfully she hasn't written me off yet, for which I am eternally grateful. Jacquelynn has made me very happy these past few weeks. I can't exactly explain why, but this time feels different. I really like this girl.

I was honestly thinking about it as I was falling asleep last night. I am scared as well. I don't want to do anything stupid and mess this up. Again. But, as I mentioned before, it just feels different, more real maybe. So, no more huge stupid things from me for awhile. I have done my fair share over the past almost year. It's time to apply what I have learned.